I love You, In a Cloud Atlas Kind of Way

So I've watched snippets of the movie Cloud Atlas, which is arguably one of the best movies I've ever seen.  Maybe snippets is the wrong word?  I've seen large portions of the movie, basically the entire thing, just not put together.  I mean, until a few days ago, when my brother convinced me to watch it.  And it's a really good movie.

Favorite Quote? : "All boundaries are conventions, waiting to be transcended."

For those of you who haven't seen it, please do as soon as possible, but in case you don't have the patience to sit through a fully three hour movie, heres a summary.  A bunch of people in different times and different worlds and places and situations, are all jammed into one movie.  They use all the same actors throughout every single one of the scenarios.  It's a bit scary.  So yeah, thats the movie.  It's kind of hard to explain actually.  In fact, it's a really incomprehensible movie.  I mean, collectively, this is about the second or third time I've seen this movie, and there are a few things that have bothered me each time.

                             "This world spins by the same unseen forces that twist our hearts."

This statement bothers me a bit, because for one thing I don't understand it, but it was in one of the pivotal scenes with Susan Sarandon and Tom Hanks, in the future, but I don't get it.  Well I mean I get it, but I don't get the connotations that come along with it.  Okay, no I definitely don't get it.  And the whole dialect Tom Hanks and Halle Berry use, I mean, what was that? Like abbreviated English or something?  It seemed stupid to me.  And why did the good people have to die, like the Chinese robot girl?  Well, I mean obviously she had to be a martyr but couldn't her and that Chang guy have lived happily ever after in their own time, instead of in the story about the man who bonded with the slave, and said slave saved him from a greedy doctor sort of looking Tom Hanks who was poisoning him?  And how was Sixsmouth still alive in 1973 California?  That was the thing I really didn't get at all.

But the thing that bothered me the most was this repeated phrase.  Like, it was one of the only cohesive pieces that spanned throughout the entire movie.

                        "Our lives are not our own.  From womb to tomb we are bound to others, and by each crime and kindness we birth our future."

After I heard that for about, say, the fifth time, I realized something.  This movie wasn't about action.  It wasn't about futuresque, or past worlds.  It wasn't about huge fight scenes, it wasn't about sex.  It wasn't about sticking it to the man, or fighting for what you believed in, no matter the cost.  It wasn't about any individual character, or person.  It wasn't even about the choices you make, and how the choices connect us all.  I began to realize that it was about one singular thing, and the triumph of the ending scenes completely convinced me of this.  Because at the bottom of it all, the movie Cloud Atlas was about one very important thing.

It was a love story.


"And thats the true true."

The list

So, it's been a year since I started this blog, hoping for some online confidence boosting, and in general, looking for an outlet for my teenage angst.  Just kidding, I don't have any angst.  Maybe a better explanation is, I was in the mood to write and the whole secret diary thing just seemed wayyy too kitschy, so since we live in the age of technology and all, yadda yadda, I started an online journal.  So everyone can just deal with it.


Okay anyways, heres a laundry list of some of the most important things I've learned in the past year.  If it doesn't make sense to you, it makes sense to me, and it's my blog, so I don't really care.

How to survive being alive (i know that rhymed):
-antibiotics, antibiotics, and lastly, antibiotics.
-when a death occurs, hugs and ice cream are the route to go
-if the above does not give desired relief, girls night is always a suitable alternative
-spotify is the best device ever created, besides netflix
-Don't be sad, be happy.  If that doesn't work, see cure for sadness about death.
-british youtubers
-make lists of the things you love often
-eat healthily
-go for runs often
-install fans in your room during the summer, and sleep with little clothing on
-don't care what other people think, it will ruin you
-writing helps cure aggression slash teenage angst
-when fighting with your best friend, stop, and fix it as fast as humanly possible
-enjoy the time you have living
-enact the lion king with your cat at least twice
-dress previously mentioned cat up in sunglasses, and post it on instagram for posterity
-cherish the people you love
-use heavy amounts of sunscreen, no matter what
-hug your family
-hug your friends
-play x-box with your brother
-join the f'real trend
-enjoy life as much as possible
-eat unhealthily (I know, contradicting views, practice both methods of eating)
-live vicariously
-smile.


and that's about it.  I hope you enjoy reading my very early (and even recent) posts, and have laughed about how bad they are.  I know I thoroughly enjoyed them.  It's been a long year.  I'm really glad I made it through, and heres to another long series of years.

*clinks glass which holds non-alcoholic beverage because author is only sixteen.

It's All I Can Do

Throughout the course of this blog/ my life ( I know I'm being very general and vague, bear with me.  or, you know, don't), I've developed a lot of coping skills to deal with life.  Because, to be honest, life is pretty overwhelming, whether or not I'm actually busy.

There are the constant surprises, the ups and downs, and underneath it all, an engine propels us all through life, and we are helpless to stop it, all we can do is float along the rails.  This life is forever changing.  This life is forever amazing.  And all we can do is offer our thanks and continue to look at the sky, and try to grasp the fleetingness of life.

And for most of those times, it's hard to cope with the experiences life has handed us, whether sad or fantastical.  At least I find it extremely difficult.

So I sing, I dance.  I write, I listen to music.  I study the mountains, stand in  cornfields and look at the blue sky. I laugh, I cry, I swim and surf and ski.  I run in the place I live, the place I love.  I take pictures.  I laugh with my brother, I scrub my sister clean of the dust life leaves on her.  I try to understand, while at the same time know that I understand nothing.  I live.

It's all I can do.

Window Smudges and Unceremonious Bucket Kickings

So, my phone died today. Like its a complete goner.  (Sorry Meredith, Lucy, Amelia, and the others I was texting, I'm not ignoring you.  Or am I? No, i'm not.)  And life is so hard because i have to go buy another one.  Yeesh.

Anyways, if I haven't told you before, this year was the longest one i've ever had the misfortune of being a part of.  But, it was also one of the most contemplative.  And it made me realize how many things in life I'm afraid of.  It may not seem like it, at least not now in my summer prime state where I am completely comfortable hanging out with all guys, all day (yes that was today and I was pretty proud don't hate).  But I'm scared of like, every emotional thing that could hurt me.  I feel like my phone does, vulnerable, susceptible to cracks and drained of it's power source.  Life is like a windshield.  In the beginning, it's clear and new and everything almost seems brighter.  People take care not to smudge the new windshield, for fear of hurting it.  But, as it goes further and further in it's journey, the people and places smudge it, leave lasting memories that make the windshield as battered and weathered as it becomes.  And although the battering itself might suck, the product that is created is better than it once was.

But when I'm feeling more like a cracked windshield, rather than a battered one, I have to make a list.  Of the people, places, and things that I love, of the things that are good in the world, and then I take a deep breath, read the list, and go for a nice and long run with my headphones turned up to full volume, and the anthemic songs of The Vaccines playing in my ears.  This happens more frequently than I'd like to admit.

Because I have to remind myself that I'm not a breakable piece of glass, and that I'm on this journey for the long haul, because I've made a promise to myself to not let it ever get as bad as it did that one year, or the last few years.  Because I'm not a crack, I'm not dis-valued.  I'm me and I'm here and I'm alive and I'm okay.  And I'm going to be okay.  I am going to be okay.

And one day, I'll look at the smudges and hope they stay forever.


"And all the paths we have to take our winding, and all the lights that lead us there are blinding."

"Well I'll give you all my love."


Things that are Good in life today:
The weather
my job
babysitting
writing
family (plus the new addition)
Friends
sunshine
youtube playlist
british/australian youtubers
VT
Home
BFLSLF (don't ask)
coffee
Kale smoothies
carrots
peanut butter
music
ME