So, my phone died today. Like its a complete goner. (Sorry Meredith, Lucy, Amelia, and the others I was texting, I'm not ignoring you. Or am I? No, i'm not.) And life is so hard because i have to go buy another one. Yeesh.
Anyways, if I haven't told you before, this year was the longest one i've ever had the misfortune of being a part of. But, it was also one of the most contemplative. And it made me realize how many things in life I'm afraid of. It may not seem like it, at least not now in my summer prime state where I am completely comfortable hanging out with all guys, all day (yes that was today and I was pretty proud don't hate). But I'm scared of like, every emotional thing that could hurt me. I feel like my phone does, vulnerable, susceptible to cracks and drained of it's power source. Life is like a windshield. In the beginning, it's clear and new and everything almost seems brighter. People take care not to smudge the new windshield, for fear of hurting it. But, as it goes further and further in it's journey, the people and places smudge it, leave lasting memories that make the windshield as battered and weathered as it becomes. And although the battering itself might suck, the product that is created is better than it once was.
But when I'm feeling more like a cracked windshield, rather than a battered one, I have to make a list. Of the people, places, and things that I love, of the things that are good in the world, and then I take a deep breath, read the list, and go for a nice and long run with my headphones turned up to full volume, and the anthemic songs of The Vaccines playing in my ears. This happens more frequently than I'd like to admit.
Because I have to remind myself that I'm not a breakable piece of glass, and that I'm on this journey for the long haul, because I've made a promise to myself to not let it ever get as bad as it did that one year, or the last few years. Because I'm not a crack, I'm not dis-valued. I'm me and I'm here and I'm alive and I'm okay. And I'm going to be okay. I am going to be okay.
And one day, I'll look at the smudges and hope they stay forever.
"And all the paths we have to take our winding, and all the lights that lead us there are blinding."
"Well I'll give you all my love."
Things that are Good in life today:
The weather
my job
babysitting
writing
family (plus the new addition)
Friends
sunshine
youtube playlist
british/australian youtubers
VT
Home
BFLSLF (don't ask)
coffee
Kale smoothies
carrots
peanut butter
music
ME
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