Dreams

There's a saying that goes, "When it rains, it pours."  Basically its like, when bad things start to happen, they're going to continue to happen for a while.  And now here's a story that relates to this saying: I took a college course this summer (there is a post about this experience, but I'm saving it for the end of the summer to share with you) and I waited three weeks for my grade, convinced I was not going to do well, even though I did everything (and more) that was expected of me.  So the other day I checked the grade, and I got an A.  I was so surprised, because I was fully and totally convinced that I was not going to get an A that when I actually got one, disbelief was the largest emotion I felt.

The same thing happened when I looked at my SAT results.  I couldn't believe I'd done that well. The same thing happened when I got an A on my History Final and final essay.  I think I'm just so used to it 'pouring rain' that when the sun actually comes out, I freeze and have no idea what to do (that was a terrible metaphor and I hated myself as I used it but I'm too tired to care at this moment).

Because things were so bad for a few years, the fact that they are pretty good right now freaks me out a little, and I really don't know how to deal with it.  Like, when my SAT tutor tells me that I've done really well on a problem, I either ignore what he just said, or I talk about what I could have done better.  It's kind of sad that I've gotten so used to focusing on the bad, that I have an extremely hard time even acknowledging the good.

So I need to work on that.  Thats all for now.

"like a heartbeat drives you mad, in the stillness of remembering what you had (lonely)
And what you lost
Oh, thunder only happens when its raining,
players only love you when they're playing.
Women, they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean, you'll know."