Closure. All I wanted was closure but you just wouldn't give it to me. It had to keep going, I guess, because neither of us wanted to let go. Neither of us was ready to just not be around each other and I think that's the worst part of it, how much we felt and how little we could do about it.
It's better now, so much better. The same page, you kept saying. The same page, you've kept saying; it's what you wanted, to be there, with me. To be there, and have it be confusing and unknown, to not know what was going on. But to be there, with me. The same page; you and me.
--------
My greatest tragedy; your Saturday afternoon.
I could've rung it a million different ways;
your taste buds, hallucinating helicopters.
Disguised inside me now and I won't
ever want it again; you're a liar and
don't you never want to know it.
Perfect pitch shouting into the desert winds;
black spider's silk tempered with cotton
envelopes my body like ghost fingers.
At the very bottom of your old lady's well,
snails can be a murky version of happy;
don't you wish you could?
--------
Why did I stay? You know the answer, you've always known the answer as much as you'd like to pretend that you don't. Empathy is a really strong quality, it's almost like my bible, my torah. As much as I wish it wasn't, that I didn't feel so much, it is. Suffering is never easy to watch, especially in one's self, and what are you but a different version of me?
I stayed because I wanted to. Not because I was told to, woken up in the middle of the night, so frantic, so immediate; and not because it meant so much to someone who means so much to you. No, I stayed because I wanted to. I could say so much more about it, believe me, but in the end it all boils down to what I wanted and what I wanted was to be there, to keep you safe. That's all I've ever wanted, was to keep those I care about safe because wouldn't it be great if everyone was safe? If I could gather them up in a boat and fly away into the sky (not unlike that Sailor Moon episode), and nobody would ever be hurt and wouldn't that be so great?
Because these kind of boats don't exist, I had to settle for staying. And I did.
--------
"When you curl up in bed and, just in your head now, are you livin'?
When you look straight ahead and, you wish you were dead now, are you givin'?"
--------
My greatest tragedy; your Saturday afternoon.
I could've rung it a million different ways;
your taste buds, hallucinating helicopters.
Disguised inside me now and I won't
ever want it again; you're a liar and
don't you never want to know it.
Perfect pitch shouting into the desert winds;
black spider's silk tempered with cotton
envelopes my body like ghost fingers.
At the very bottom of your old lady's well,
snails can be a murky version of happy;
don't you wish you could?
Why did I stay? You know the answer, you've always known the answer as much as you'd like to pretend that you don't. Empathy is a really strong quality, it's almost like my bible, my torah. As much as I wish it wasn't, that I didn't feel so much, it is. Suffering is never easy to watch, especially in one's self, and what are you but a different version of me?
I stayed because I wanted to. Not because I was told to, woken up in the middle of the night, so frantic, so immediate; and not because it meant so much to someone who means so much to you. No, I stayed because I wanted to. I could say so much more about it, believe me, but in the end it all boils down to what I wanted and what I wanted was to be there, to keep you safe. That's all I've ever wanted, was to keep those I care about safe because wouldn't it be great if everyone was safe? If I could gather them up in a boat and fly away into the sky (not unlike that Sailor Moon episode), and nobody would ever be hurt and wouldn't that be so great?
Because these kind of boats don't exist, I had to settle for staying. And I did.
--------
"When you curl up in bed and, just in your head now, are you livin'?
When you look straight ahead and, you wish you were dead now, are you givin'?"
No comments:
Post a Comment