In the moment

I feel the need to write. Let me rephrase that, when I'm in a soul searching and slightly depressive mood, or I've just seen some weird movie, I feel the need to document.  Maybe one day I'll look back on this writing and think, wow I was pathetic, but for now everybody has a blog, so hell i'm going to have a blog. Anyways, on to the writing part. Sometimes I feel like my classmates look at me as though I'm from a different world, that I'm bossy and maybe even stupid and while they know what's going on in life, I definitely do not.  In these moments, or more often days and weeks, I feel extremely alone.  Then I remind myself that I don't want to be like these people.  I mean, sure I like some of them and some of them are really good people with good hearts, but the majority aren't.  Long ago (more like a year) I decided that people will think what they will think.  People are mean.  It's human nature, and I know that I am mean sometimes, because everybody is at some point.  But I decided, after a particularly long bout of fighting/ bullying by a girl who shares my nickname, that I can't let myself be trampled on by naysayers.  It brings me down, and it worries my mother.  And even though I am sometimes a brat, I really do love her.  Back to my main point.  I decided that I was finally going to stand up for myself, and that even if it put me in a terrible social situation, and make some people dislike me immensely, I was going to be me, and nobody was going to change me.  This revelation was quite helpful.  I don't look in mirrors and hate myself, I don't let other people lead me, and I pick my friends based on the people they are, not the status they carry.  Sure I have bad days, but overall I'm good.  And I try really hard to be good, even if it doesn't always show.  I have all of this to owe, even though I don't really like to admit it, to a bully who shall remain nameless.  So even though I'm sure not many will see this writing, I hope those who do take a good message away.

 Your personality is you.  Your looks and your friends and your status might all be a part of you, but your personality is the most important.  Don't ever let yourself lose it and don't let others try to define it.  Hold it as you would the life of a family member, and don't ever let it fade. Okay, that's my message for the night.

  Do I sound full of wisdom?  I'm really not.  Ask me a question about life and I will probably only give you half an answer.  Still searching for the answers because even though I sometimes like to pretend I'm elderly and learned in the ways of the world, I'm not.

And thus, a journey begins.