I am Gonna Make it Through This Year

So it's been  really long year.  Like, probably the longest one yet.  And don't tell me that's improbable because I know it is, but I'm tired and sick of being told what is and isn't right.  So if I want this year to be the longest one yet, that's how it's gonna be and everyone is just going to shut up about it and move on with their lives, got it?

Sorry.  It's been a long year.  Have I said that yet?  This year felt like an unending stretch of weeks, and everyone said, "oh this week has been long, but it will be better next week."  But it never got better and the weeks only got longer.  But finally, school ended, there were finals, then prom, and then I was free to hang out with whoever I wanted, do whatever I wanted, and be whoever I wanted.  But the thing that kind of sucks is that everyone is either gone out in Mammoth, still in school, home in some other distant state, or they are friends with my brother, so that automatically means they can't hang out with me without him being there, and that the minute they do, he freaks out.

But at least it's summer.  I have some babysitting gigs, which will be nice because young children are much less complicated than adults, and I really just don't want to be around adults right now, because they are just really annoying and always have hidden intentions.  But I have to find a real summer job.  Because I like money.  And not being bored.

Actually being bored might be nice.  It feels like I'm in constant motion all year, always doing something, always with people.  It's nice to be alone.  I value alone time more and more as I get older.  That's one of the things I really don't like about ski camps, you aren't ever alone, and if you want to be alone, it's misconstrued as you think you are better, or nobody likes you.  What if I like not having to talk, or socialize sometimes?  What if I like being left alone with my thoughts and the nearest container of unhealthy food and a movie?  What is so bad about that?

Some of this has to do with current times.  It's the age of social media, of being connected at any and every second.   I'm definitely guilty of over texting and too much computer usage, but aren't most people?  It's really hard not to be, right?

But I digress.  So It was a long year filled with a lot of ups and downs, woes, moaning, complaining, crying, and tough decisions I know I'll have to make again, probably in a short period of time.  But I got through it, just like I always do.  Whether it was for worse or for better, Katy Rosen is, again, alive, after another year at high school.  Whether she is happy about this remains unknown.  Whether she will ever be really happy also remains unknown.

That sounded like a newspaper didn't it?  God, it's been a really long day.  It's been a really long year.

I just felt Deja Vu.  Wonder why?

"I am gonna make it through this year, if it kills me."

"Maybe someday
You'll be somewhere
Talking to me
As if you knew me
Saying I'll be home for next year, darling
I'll be home for next year"

I'm either gonna go watch dailygrace, Emmablackery, or Roseellendix.  That is how unhappy I am.