Viewpoint is Everything

My last weekend of racing, which ended yesterday, was absolutely awful.  No other description for it. I completely and totally choked, most likely due to exhaustion, but I am not making excuses.  And I got home and was really surprised when I discovered I was perfectly alright.  I made a few new friends this weekend, played some laser tag and had some damn good pulled pork from a food truck in the middle of Maine.  I got my SAT scores back and they actually were perfectly good for taking them my first time, and my parents were proud of me.

I've been doing a lot of writing, I've been finding good ways to say goodbye to all my senior friends, I've been enjoying life.  A lot.  And sure, I had a very restless night last night due to over-exhaustion, but before my restless night a person I know was really, really, really nice to me and we had a really good heart to heart and it made me feel very satisfied with myself.  

I kept thinking, I don't deserve this, new, good life but then I was on the chairlift one day with Kara and we were singing and it was sunny and we were laughing, and I realized that I really do deserve a good life.  Everyone does, and whichever way, shape or form that life comes in is a blessing. Instead of wondering whether you are deserving, its better to appreciate, accept that your life is full of love and snow covered mountains and good food and even better people, and go out and live.

Its hard to remember that life can be good when it gets so bad, and it is even easier to get bogged down by the logistics of making your life better.  I don't think it's ever easy to make changes in the way you live your life, no matter how big or small they are.  But change is the only constant in life, and at the end of those changes life is beautiful.

Life is never what you expect, and that is the absolute beauty of it.  Because sure, you can have an extremely rough beginning of the school year, but by March/April, you'll be in the best shape you've been in in years.  At the same time, while you are busy enjoying and observing and laughing a lot, its hard to express your gratitude, or to know how to express your gratitude.  All I can do is say one massive thank you, both to the universe and everyone who I love.  

So, I'm making a toast. Here's to life, and the constant ups and downs it brings.  Here's to the blue skies and the snow covered mountains and the muddy roads and the abundant amount of love.  Here's to surviving it all, and here's to enjoying it.
(clinks metaphoric glass because author is only almost seventeen).

"Let it rain, I need a change
Thats where you'll find me,
Some place I've never been.
I'm not afraid of the darkness anymore,
I'm not afraid of the darkness anymore."


Also, if you didn't catch that at the end, my birthday is in eleven days. I better receive some kick-ass gifts. Just sayin.