Beasts of a Very Different Nature // Now Is Good

I felt whole.  There wasn't another way to describe it, I was just whole.  And there were a bunch of laughing girls around me and the performances were in full swing and I was freezing but smoldering and everything was whole. Celebrations, a way to celebrate who I am.  What a good way to spend a thursday (avoiding my homework, lol).
Freezing, but smoldering. How, you ask? I couldn't explain, even if I wanted to.
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Fatal Flaw; mental or physical weakness.  I think everyone has one, especially in every book I've read.  Ifem is stubborn, Romeo and Juliet are both love-crazed idiots, Hamlet is too revenge-focused, Anne's is that she was too easily swayed by others, it goes on.  And mine? I'm afraid, terrified, petrified, whatever, of being in love.  God, I talk so much about love.  And I know I do, but I can't stop myself.  In the midst of so much love, from so many people, I can't help but be scared.  I can't help but be terrified.
It's easy, it's so blindingly easy.  Why is that?  It's overwhelming and all-consuming. And I have said for such a long time, that I never would, I never wanted to.  I was a cliche waiting happen, for god's sake.
Beholden.  My least favorite word.  I never wanted to find myself wanting to be beholden to anyone or anything.  Independent.  One of my favorite words, how I always describe myself.  I'm not.  I'd like to think I am, but I'm not, because I'm hopelessly dependent; hopelessly and incurably.
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Ocean eyes, steady and blue; she'd like to turn inside out.
Feel the world through a different skin; inside out.
And the sun is setting, pushing the world into a twilight
which knows not of you.
Radio silence no longer an option; she'd like to turn inside out.
Easy to pretend, she doesn't know what it tastes like,
biting to find blood but instead
wanderings flow out and she'd like to pretend.

Ocean eyes, steady and blue; she'd like to turn inside out.
Feel the world through a different skin; inside out.
Smooth, inky longing of something else, she'd like to pretend
it's unknown but ocean eyes sees more than anyone should;
texture of skin, curve of lips, feel of wanderings which flow.
Ocean eyes, steady and blue; she'd like to pretend,
she'd like to turn inside out and feel the world
through a different skin.

Ocean eyes, she knows more than anyone should,
Ocean eyes, steadily deep, steadily blue,
wades in too deep, turns herself inside out and
she'd like to pretend; but the world is changing colors,
and you can't stop the revolving.
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"Could be playing hide and seek from home
Can't replace my blood
Yeah, it seems I'm never letting go,
of Suburbia."

Life, man. Oh, life.