Sadness is never fun. But I often ask myself, without sadness, would we ever really be able to see the true beauty of life. Because there is a lot of sadness in this world. But there is also a lot of beauty.
When I am in a bad place, you can be sure the world knows. I have often been told that I have a sunny disposition. I am the one who is always belly laughing, the one who is always making jokes, who is giving her friends goofy faces. I take on challenges with smiles, glad to be given the opportunity to excel, the opportunity to be smart. My math teacher once told me that he admired how, even when he could tell I understood nothing he had said, I would smile. My coach told me he knows the face I frequent, smile crinkled eyes twinkling, and the face I don't frequent, the distinct scowl, eyes black as night. I am sunny, but when you rub me the wrong way, things go badly fast. I swear. A lot. You can ask one of the idiotic boys at my school, or Katie or Megan, or Kara or Jules. You can ask my mother, you can ask my euro teacher. I am also extremely willful. I do not like to change the course of motion I am on, ever. Even if it will most likely help me. I like to be independent. I like it way too much. I am very sarcastic in certain situations, which doesn't help me out.
But I have also learned (sometimes) when to let things go. When some of the girls at my school say really ignorant, annoying, or just plain mean and stupid (and there has been a lot of mean projected at me today in particular) I know when and when not to pursue it. When it's Katie, you pursue it. Immediately. If it's one of the little kids, or someone who shall not be named, but hates me for no reason, I ignore it. There's no point in getting involved in something that will likely draw out your energy, and in the end will get you nowhere different than you already are. At that point, it really just isn't worth it. But that doesn't mean you should never pursue anything, and use that as an excuse.
Anyways, at the heart of all this, I just think I'm really sensitive. Because it does hurt when someone says something mean, whether they realize it or not. And you can say that you won't take it personally (which in some people's cases you may actually do, and it will work) but you will, and it doesn't feel like sunshine and buttercups.
In the past few weeks, there has been a lot to smile about. But there has also been a lot to cry about. The two always work in harmony, and even though sometimes I really do feel just terrible, I have to remind myself of how lucky I am to be alive, and that there will be sun at the top of the hill. Because beauty is everywhere. I'm as sure of this as i'm sure the moon goes to bed, and gives way to the sun, every morning.
Everything that happens is from now on
This is pouring rain
This is paralyzed
And in the end, it's the dark that was the most beautiful thing
No comments:
Post a Comment