High school sucks. I'm pretty sure everyone who is over the age of 18, has seen any teen comedy, ever, has half a brain, or has lived in the cyber bullying age, is painfully aware of this. And sure, people can talk about doing something to change it (and good for you, go out and do it, this isn't supposed to deter you at all, FYI) but the reality is, you really do just have to live through it. At least I think that's what you are supposed to do.
Teenagers are awful. I don't understand why, but whoever invented this halfway age between a kid and an adult, that was some total bullshit you pulled. I'm calling shenanigans. Officially. The ruthless cliques, the bullying, the angst, the pressure, all of it just sucks. As I told one of my former tormentors last year, when she was crying on my shoulder about being prosecuted for something she had said in confidence, "try to find people who are different. Most people are just smoke and mirrors. You have to find people who completely cut the crap, and aren't afraid to be themselves. You have to find people who are willing to be there for you no matter what the circumstance is. You have to find people who will make your life easier, because the reality is, you will be stuck here for the next four years." For a ninth grader, I think that's actually pretty smart. Not to brag or anything.
But it's true. Life is much harder to go at alone. I honestly don't know what I would do without my friends, my real friends. The friends who have been with me since kindergarten, the friends who I console on the chairlift, the friends who tell me that, yes, that run was absolutely awful, but it's okay because I sucked less than them. The friends who aren't afraid to watch Doctor who obsessively with me. The friends I've had for a long time, and the friends I haven't. I believe that a friend is the most important thing in the world, ranking right up there with your family.
When I grow up, I can't honestly say that things will be better. They probably won't, right away. College is a lot like high school, at least the social aspect, except its bigger. And from watching my parents, and their navigation of friend waters, I am honestly a little scared (not to say my parents don't have any friends, which they do).
I can't make any concrete plans for what is going to happen. of course, I can choose what I want to do, what kind of person I want to be, but I can't choose or plan for a lot of other things. Part of growing up is supposed to be that you are more in control of your life, which is definitely true, but I also think part of growing up is learning to let go. Life doesn't care about the petty little plans that you've made. Life surprises and excites. Life sucks and is horrible. There are many different faces life has.
But its a package deal. And the most exciting part is that you get to live it.
So while I don't know for certain it gets better, I can hope. And that's all I can do.
"No one really knows how hard life was, I dont think about it now, because, now my life is sweet like cinnamon, like a dream I'm living in."
"Soon they gonna hear the sound when we come running."
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