When I learned how to ride a bike (to be honest, it took me a while, because i loved how pretty my tricycle was), my dad, in his infinite wisdom, told me that I was never allowed to let the bike control me, I was the superior being riding the bike, and it was therefore up to me to control it, and that is always how I should think of it. This attitude stuck with me throughout elementary school, and I wasn't really one of those kids who was going to keep quiet to my fellow peers when they did something that I didn't like (adults were a different story).
But then, middle school happened all at once, and I kind of lost myself, as people tend to do. I didn't belong, and I knew it, and I felt like everyone else was mocking me for it. This continued throughout, oh, maybe eighth or ninth grade, at which point I took a good look in the mirror and told myself, "This is ridiculous, go find some friends." So I did, and for the first time in a what seemed like forever, I found myself. But then, tenth grade rolled around, and with it, a whole new host of insecurities and un-sureness. At times during the year, life has been pretty good, largely due to the fact that my attitude towards, well, everyone, has improved a lot. Although, I'm not afraid to admit that, yes, I am a harsh person, who doesn't take well to not being listened to, and people she doesn't like. Anyways, i again felt like I'd found myself. And then the end of racing season rolled around, and all the kids who were good made it to the next level of racing, yaddah yaddah. Never having ever been one of those kids, I felt like I wasn't really missing out on experiences, because they weren't experiences I've ever had. But I found myself slowly sinking into the pit of despair, and it wasn't until last week that I pulled myself out by, again, looking in the mirror and saying, "this is just ridiculous. Stop wallowing about and go have fun like a normal fifteen/sixteen year old. God."
Some of this has to do with the fact that it is the end of winter. As far as my opinion goes, I'm beyond done with slalom and super-g, and gs is just closing in on the done mark. I want spring skiing, for maybe a week (meaning no training thank you very much Dave), and then I want the snow to go away, the mud to go away, the slush to go away. I want sun-baked dirt roads, and rivers that are infinitely cooler than the air that surrounds them.
Not having any direct connections to mother nature makes this virtually impossible, but hey, can't a girl dream? Anyways, it's time for me to stop being such a depressing little girl, and accept that another year has gone by, and that what I'm feeling is most likely just a product of nostalgia, and not real remorse.
So, I will be pulling myself up by my bootstraps, putting on my race blinders (points to whoever remembers who and when this saying happened), and any other clever metaphors you can think of. In short- I'm going to start enjoying life again, and stop trudging across campus like the sullen bear I am.
Because life is much more fun in technicolor.
"The sun's in the sky, its warming up your bare legs
You can't deny your looking for the sunset"
"rock it to the break of day, don't stop rocking now, no way"
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