Up Here It's Blue

Counting today, I have three days left in Colorado.  It's been a long three weeks.  There have been quite a few late night team bonding sessions, mac and cheese, a few failed lange girl shoots, lots of pinball before dinner, several Austin Power movies, innumerable van jam sessions, deep conversations with Toby, play fighting with Chris, capture the flag plays, capture the flag with snowball plays, walks up the wheelchair accessible path, walking up and down the halls with no clothes, and there were, admittedly, a few near death experiences, mostly due to our own stupidity and refusal to just take the easy way up the hike.  All in all, it's been a really fun trip, with really good skiing, and really fun people, which is not something I'd ever thought I'd say about the whole of our group, but I can't really complain about the whole of this trip.  There were a few nights with tears, mostly due to some person not at this specific camp.  

When you get really close to someone, you forget what it's like when they aren't around.  You forget the late night talks, the hugs and the food they bought for you, the punches and scary movies, the kind, and not so kind words, you forget that this can all just go away.  You get so used to the routine you've built, you figure out their sore spots, their nuances, their hopes and their dreams, their fears and their hardships.  I think it's a saying that you don't know what you have until it's gone.  Because when it's gone, it's really gone and it really sucks.  All you want is the love you felt for this person before, the friendship you had. 

It's even worse when you know it's over because of your own stupidity, your own refusal to listen to what this person was trying to tell you.  And that even though their attempts to make you listen were extremely rude and misguided, all they wanted was to help you.  It's hard to accept that.  Really hard. Like unreasonably so. 

Being away from it all for the past three weeks has really helped.  Up in the mountains, it's easy to forget your problems.  The sun shines on the sparkling snow, and the whole place smells of evergreen.  The endless mountains rise to form a never-ending landscape of snow and beauty.  As soon as my skis hit the snow, and I take a deep breath of the air, it almost feels like nothing could ever go wrong, even though it already so terribly has.    And even for those really hard nights, I look outside.  

The moon bathes the landscape in an ethereal glow, the mountains fluidly sloping on and on.  The stars twinkling and the quiet only forests can provide. 

It's hard not to feel at peace.

(full disclosure, I am now sitting in the airport because I couldn't post this because i didn't have enough internet at the house)