Love, Anonymous

Do you remember the day that I showed up at your door, in the pouring rain?  And of course I was crying, because I always cry, no matter how much I don't want to.
Do you remember what you did? How you took me inside and gave me dry clothes and wrapped me in a blanket and sat me on the couch and told me it was going to be okay, that we'd always be okay, even when I knew it wasn't true?
Do you remember those nights I told you stories that I'd never told anyone before, stories I've still never told anyone?
Do you remember how we looked up at the stars in the cool summer air through the crooked slats in the barn, with straw in our hair?
Do you remember the times we took the canoe out onto the lake, how we looked for salamanders, our still tiny hands searching in the water?
Do you remember the secrets we shared, the tears we had, the unconditional love that only children can share?

Because I miss it all.  More than anything I miss it all.

Do you remember the day I had to say goodbye to you?  How we sat in front of the big green car, trying not to wail, trying not to end it.  Because if we didn't say goodbye, it wouldn't have to be over, right?
We were so foolish, so young, so caught up in how much we loved each other, how much we didn't want it to end.
It was a safety blanket, we were a safety blanket.  The kind that a child can't give up because it's the only thing they've ever known that will never disappoint them.

Unlike their mothers, it won't ignore them.  It won't focus on others.
Unlike their fathers, it won't yell, it isn't possible of hate.
Unlike older brothers, it won't exclude, it isn't jealous.
Unlike younger sisters, the babies they were, it won't cry.

We were so alike.  Our names, our eyes, our families, our age, our birthdays.  We felt like we'd finally found someone who'd understand us, who'd accept us.  
Someone who wouldn't shout, who wouldn't leave.
Someone who would take us out of the rain and dry our tears.

The day I left is still the saddest day I've ever experienced.
Because we had to say goodbye to the only person we loved, in the world.  The only person who finally, finally, finally, understood us.

Isn't it sad, the way we left it?
And sure, I came back.
But it was never the same.
And it never could be.

But I loved you, I loved you so much it hurt.
And I still love you, the way your brown hair fell into your eyes, the dimples when you smiled.  I loved the chicken legs and arms we shared, the tan skin and long fingers.
I loved the hot chocolate you made me, the mud pies you carved my name into.
I loved it all, I'll always love it.

And I'll always miss it.

Love,
Anonymous